Morning Pages – Day 8

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October 11th 2021

Yesterday I posted my first non-morningpage blogpost on Medium: https://medium.com/before-you-fall/001-before-you-fall-3230b6e5e07c

Hopefully this is a sign of more good things to come.  And maybe also a sign that these morning pages are kind’ve working to get my writing juices flowing. It felt good writing and publishing again, and it also felt good asking my sister for help with my posts.  She is so good at organization and cutting through my randomly looping mind.  If you didn’t know, we both have adult ADHD. Yes, it’s “adult” because we’re too hot for TV, and the doctors like to label every damn thing they can.  Anyway, the way I think and write is very chaotic and my sister really gets it because she can be that way too, she just is much more disciplined in writing and thinking than I am.  She definitely writes more professionally than me, I just have the balls in the family to put out crap that is low quality and hope for the best.

So I’m very grateful for the love and support so many people give me as I make my way through a weird and crazy life.  I never thought I’d be living in Japan this long or that I’d find a wife that could love and tolerate me this long.  I never thought I’d be able to do what I’ve done online.  When I think about it though, I think I never thought it because of fear.  I really wanted these things, but society has built up so much fear in everything that you don’t dare to believe it will happen to you until you reach a breaking point. I won’t go on a long ramble about mainstream media and pandemic stuff, because it’s pretty damn obvious how much fear is down those paths…

But besides the global whoppers we all have been experiencing lately… It seems to be instilled into us from birth. Parents use fear and shame because they were taught that from previous generations. When they get tired of being the bad guy, they let schools parent us, and schools in turn use fear and shame(bad grades if you don’t “repeat after them”) to “teach” us.  If you are one of the crazies like me who barely finished college, but still finished, then when you get to the workplace it still is the same.  We keep using fear to dictate our mindset and our decisions.

Sometimes we say its “nerves”, but when your family, school, and friends all are using fear, when you first go into that job interview or the first day at the job, there is fear in the air.  And I’m not saying to eliminate fear, because that is impossible, but the are things like anticipation and excitement that go hand in hand with fear.  What I’m really saying is that it is a shame that we aren’t trained to tap into excitement instead of fear, because for some strange reason humans believe fear and judgement can be used for good when I do not believe that is so. 

Just like with Pride, it is always there… judgement and fear… but when the day is done the question becomes what do you thank for the good in your life?  Do you thank Pride? Do you thank fear for pushing you to do something? Do you thank judgement for giving you false foundations in your life?  Or do you thank love, kindness, and righteousness?  We usually want to give a bit too much credit for the negative things for some reason… But I digress…

This has gone long enough and I’m achin’ for more writing of my book and other blogposts that aren’t so mind-flushingly erratic.

Until the next time, God bless <3

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